Fifty Shades of Sherlock Holmes
by PrincessPo
Summary: John complaining about Sherlock on his blog bit embarrassing when Sherlock walks in on him.


(sadly I don't own any of these characters and probably never will:( so this is my first fic please be kind)

I sighed as I opened my inbox, more and more stupid questions from people asking if I was "romantically involved" with Sherlock.  
"No, no, no, and no." An idea suddenly came to me and I began a new blog entry.

To the Sherlock and Watson shippers, Ito has come to my attention that the idea of our "bromance" has been getting out of hand. I have compiled a list as to why this is getting so ridiculous. The following are reasons as to why we could never be a couple.

1. I like women. Plain and simple.  
2. I'm convinced that Sherlock is a-sexual.  
3. If he were to ever get romantically involved with anyone it would have been Miss Irene Addler, she has since passed into the next life.  
4. I don't care about my appearance. Do you know what I do for date night? I Change my shoes.  
5. I hate the violin  
6. He's a smart arse  
7. I'm a doctor and he had drug problems  
8. I don't like the color black  
9. He's so depressing  
10. His brother. His brother!  
11. I still like women  
12. I find the solar system an important thing to know about  
13. I am NOT a confirmed bachelor  
14. I find deer stalkers to be very nice hats  
15. He has no people skills  
16. He shot the bloody wall at one in the morning out of boredom  
17. His "Mind Palace"  
18. He's patronizing  
19. HE LOCKED ME IN A BLOODY CAGE AND DRUGED ME AS PART OF AN EXPERIMENT  
20. He refuses to pay for taxes  
21. I always have to do the shopping and fight the bloody machine  
22. He always manages to ruin my dates with WOMEN  
23. He's sulky  
24. He's too secretive  
25. Did I mention I like women  
26. It's a three patch problem  
27. He almost got me arrested, on far more than one occasion  
28. He pops his collar, do you think that makes you cool?  
29. He can be quite hurtful  
30. He beats dead bodies out of experimentation  
31. He's gotten me shot at  
32. He never listens  
33. I've had to kill people because of him  
34. He never admits to being wrong  
35. He never apologizes  
36. I like women  
37. Those cheekbones  
38. He's too skinny  
39. He's very stubborn  
40. He hates my blog  
41. He was in love with a dominatrix for God's sake! How would I live up to that?  
42. Poor Mrs. Hudson would loose sleep, she's so much more than our landlady everyone knows that. I could never upset her.  
43. He wears pointed shoes. What the bloody hell is that about?!  
44. I like blondes, you know with lady parts!  
45. John Holmes? Really? Sherlock Watson? Those will never sound right!  
46. Height, height is a problem, I'm terribly short. Though I hate to admit to it.  
47. The names don't fit together no matter how hard you try to force them you can't put the round peg in the square hole  
48. Every time he speaks I hear 'punch me' in subtext  
49.  
50. And finally because I like women

I read through my list again, thinking. "This is making it sound worse!"  
"What is sounding worse?" I jumped as I heard his voice behind me.  
"Nothing!" I said quickly I could feel my face redden slightly, luckily it was dim in the small room and he was behind me.  
"Watson, are you on that ridiculous blog again? What is the point I exploiting your life to thousands of strangers, any number of which could be dangerous to us."  
"I don't see your reasoning Sherlock, everyone knows where we live!"  
"You ignored my question." He stated blankly. He was right but I didn't want to tell him what I was writing. He had made it perfectly clear that he did not care in the slightest what people thought about him. Besides he was Sherlock and I doubted that he didn't already know what I was writing about.  
"The reason I came out was for my patches I have about a four patch problem and Mrs. Hudson took them out..." His voice trailed off as he clearly found what he was looking for.  
"So obvious." He said quietly as he pulled the box from underneath his bookcase. He was already in the process of putting them on his arm as he walked out of the room. "As you were, John!" He yelled back to me.  
"Right, thanks for your permission." I muttered. As I went back to my computer screen. And deleted the entire list. Seeing as the attempt was futile and no matter what I say people were going to talk no matter what happened there would always be someone who thought, wanted, for us to be together. I was just frustrating myself now, so I shut my laptop and went to bed perhaps tomorrow would be a better day for a blog.


End file.
